I wish that tears were automatically translated into little drops of love, directed towards whoever is on your mind.
My big brother left today. But this is different than when he was leaving for college, or a vacation. Yes, I would say that Afghanistan is very different.
Ever since the dad of twelve that we knew was suddenly killed in a car crash, goodbyes have had a profound effect on me. How was his family to know that the next time they'd see their dad would be in heaven? And in the same way, how am I to know that when my brother says 'see you later' that I really will see him later?
Thus I am sitting here, trying to see and to keep my snot where it rightfully belongs. Not on my face.
This balance is a hard one to find. The balance between the reality of life and its uncertainty, and the peace that surpasses all comprehension (Phil. 4:6-7). Anxiety is wrong... which is really bad news for a worry-wart like me.
I don't want this to have been the last goodbye.
It really bothers me when I can't do anything to help someone. When there's nothing I can say or do to ease someone's pain, when I can't protect my family in any way... All of those fears are all the sudden glaring me in the face. It's in times like these that I admire all those who allow their loved ones to go serve our country. It's also in times like these where I need to buckle down and pray. Hard.
'Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, through prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace which surpasses all comprehension with guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.' ~ Philippians 4:6-7
'Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, for He cares for you.' 1 Peter 5:6-7
~Annie
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=| I know! When you have those near you leave, FOREVER! It's hard. =| But it's always a comfort to me, to know that ALL of life is in God's hands! =) And HE knows what's bestest! Though it's hard for our worldly minds to comprehend.... =|
ReplyDeleteYou're in my prayers.
-Leah
Wow. That verse at the end just struck me- that the God of the universe *cares* for us?
ReplyDeleteWow...
May God give you strength and peace! May you rest in the mighty, providential hands of God, knowing that nothing will happen to your brother that a loving and wise God has not planned beforehand.
Leah,
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right. It's funny how you can have the head-knowledge of what to do in certain circumstances. But until you go through and have to put it into practice, that heart-knowledge-- that deep understanding of what it's truly like to practice what you preach-- isn't there.
Gabriel,
That verse gets me too. Every time! I love that entire passage, but I didn't have room for it on here! And thank you for your prayers. Although my brother probably needs them more than I do! ;)